This little gem arrived courtesy of our postal service this week.
I’m one of 50 000 selected at random to take part in this year’s survey.
Actually I won’t be because I’m disqualified by virtue of my primary employment. But never mind I still get to keep the 6 ‘free’ First Class postage stamps the Home Office (aka the Taxpayer) kindly included regardless!
This is of course one of a plethora of such surveys now vital to the function of government. From the back of the leaflet…
“BMRB is an independent agency specialising in social research. It carries out many research studies for the Government. BMRB and Kantar Operations are all part of the Kantar Group. BMRB delivers research services to end clients and Kantar Operations provides the necessary fieldwork for data collection”
Under the heading ‘What is the purpose of the British Crime Survey?’ the leaflet contains such startling gems as…
“The BCS has shown that having security measures considerably reduces the risk of having a car stolen”
… Well I never!
“The BCS has shown that young people are more likely to have their mobile phone stolen”
… Who’d have have thought it!!
But the real beauty that neatly sums up the whole pointlessness of the process & the quality of the vacuous, poorly educated morons we employ on our behalf to produce this drivel is the following head scratcher…
“The BCS has shown that the risk of car crime in car parks is actually much greater after the length of time that a vehicle is parked is taken into account. This research has informed the importance of car park safety”
Go on, read it a few times & savour the delicious incoherence of it. I shall put intuition to one side, neatly ignoring what it meant to say & talk my researcher through what it actually says… “So if we don’t take the length of time into account we can instantly make car parks safer?…so let’s bin the survey altogether & we’ve cracked it… safer car parks & a shed load of money saved!” As for the second sentence, the pedant in me could play all day. Shocking that such drivel could make the final print of a leaflet with ‘Home Office’ across the top.
The tragedy is that the leaflet is a tiny symbol of the poor quality & profligate waste in our Government & Public Services. When will someone get a grip of it?